"My Family and I" or "Me and My Family"?
Use "my family and I" when the phrase is the subject of the sentence (the people doing the action): My family and I moved to Leeds. Use "my family and me" when it is the object (the people receiving the action or following a preposition): The neighbors welcomed my family and me.
"Me and my family" follows the object rule too, but most style guides prefer you to put yourself last. As a subject, as in Me and my family love camping, it is everyday speech, not standard written English.
Quick answer: Cover up "my family and" and see what sounds right. If it is "I went", write my family and I went. If it is "for me" or "invited me", write for my family and me. Put yourself last for politeness, and save "me and my family" as a subject for casual conversation.
On this page
The one test you need
Most people can choose between I and me instantly when the pronoun stands alone. Nobody says "Me went to the beach" or "She called I." The confusion only begins when another person or group is added in front.
So remove them. Delete "my family and" and read the sentence again:
| Full sentence | Remove "my family and" | Result |
|---|---|---|
| My family and ___ visited Sydney. | ___ visited Sydney. | I |
| The photo shows my family and ___. | The photo shows ___. | me |
| This gift is from my family and ___. | This gift is from ___. | me |
| Grandma lives with my family and ___. | Grandma lives with ___. | me |
| My family and ___ are grateful. | ___ am grateful. | I |
The verb may change from are to am when you strip the phrase, but that does not matter. The test is only about which pronoun sounds natural.
Why the rule works: subjects and objects
English pronouns still change form depending on their job in a sentence. The terms grammarians use are subject case (also called nominative) and object case (accusative or objective).
- Subject pronouns: I, we, he, she, they, who
- Object pronouns: me, us, him, her, them, whom
The subject performs the verb. In My family and I booked a cabin, the people booking are "my family and I," so the subject pronoun I is required.
The object receives the action of a verb or follows a preposition. In The ranger showed my family and me the trail, the people being shown are "my family and me," so the object pronoun me is required. The same thing happens after prepositions such as to, for, with, from, about, between and behind.
A joined phrase like "my family and I" is called a coordinated phrase. Coordination does not change the case. Each part keeps the form it would have if it stood alone. If you have ever wondered about who vs whom, it is exactly the same subject-object distinction.
Pronunciation note
There is no tricky pronunciation here, but rhythm plays a part in why people get it wrong. "My family and I" ends on a stressed vowel (EYE) and sounds tidy and formal, while "my family and me" (MEE) can feel abrupt to people who were drilled to "say and I." That feeling is not a rule.
Where "me and my family" comes from
In informal English, especially in speech, the object form me has long been used in coordinated subjects: "Me and Jake went fishing." Linguists describe this as a normal feature of casual English rather than random error, and you will hear it from fluent native speakers in all three countries.
Schools then corrected it, often bluntly: "Not me and Jake. Jake and I." The lesson stuck, but many people absorbed a slightly different message, namely that "and I" is always the polite, correct version. That leads to the opposite error, hypercorrection: "between you and I," "a gift from my wife and I," "please contact Sarah or I."
So the two errors you will see most are mirror images:
- Using me in the subject in formal writing: Me and my family went...
- Using I in the object out of over-caution: ...invited my family and I.
The removal test fixes both.
Word order: why yourself goes last
"My family and me" and "me and my family" are both grammatical as objects. The difference is etiquette. Traditional English teaching says to name other people before yourself, so my family and me sounds more considerate than me and my family, and my family and I sounds better than I and my family.
This is a convention, not a law of grammar. "I and my family" is not ungrammatical, merely stiff and rare. In some formal contexts, such as legal documents or apologies, a speaker may deliberately put I first to take responsibility: I and the board accept full responsibility.
| Phrase | As subject | As object | Register |
|---|---|---|---|
| my family and I | ✅ standard | ❌ hypercorrection | formal and neutral |
| my family and me | ❌ nonstandard | ✅ standard, preferred | neutral |
| me and my family | casual speech only | ✅ grammatical, less polite | informal |
| I and my family | ✅ grammatical but stiff | ❌ | rare, formal |
| my family and myself | ❌ avoid | ❌ avoid | business jargon |
The "myself" escape route
Unsure whether to write I or me, many people choose myself: "Please send the files to John or myself." It sounds formal and avoids a decision.
The trouble is that myself is a reflexive pronoun. In standard use it refers back to an I that already appears in the same clause (I booked it myself) or adds emphasis (I myself was there). Without that earlier I, careful readers notice. Dictionaries record the "send it to myself" use and note that it is widespread, but most usage guides still advise against it in formal writing. Choose I or me instead.
US vs UK vs Australia
The grammar rule is the same in all three countries. American, British and Australian English all treat "my family and I" as the standard subject form and "my family and me" as the standard object form, and all three teach the removal test in schools.
There are differences in attitude rather than rule:
- United States: Hypercorrect "and I" in object position ("for my wife and I") is very common in speeches, wedding invitations and social media, and it draws regular complaints from usage writers. Casual "me and my family" as a subject is common in speech.
- United Kingdom: The same patterns appear. Some regional British dialects also use me in other unexpected places, such as "me mum" for "my mum," which is a separate dialect feature and not the same as the subject-object question.
- Australia: Casual subject "me and my mates" is very common in relaxed speech and sounds friendly rather than careless in that setting. Formal Australian writing follows the same standard rules as British and American writing.
So there is no "regional correct answer." There is a formal standard, shared by all three, and a casual spoken pattern, also shared by all three.
Example sentences
Subject: "my family and I"
- My family and I spent the summer in a caravan park near Byron Bay.
- My family and I would like to thank everyone who sent flowers.
- Last Christmas, my family and I volunteered at a food bank in Leeds.
- My partner and I are delighted to accept your kind invitation.
- My family and I have lived in Dayton, Ohio, for twelve years.
- Before the move, my team and I mapped every step of the migration.
- My colleagues and I reviewed the draft and agree with your recommendations.
Object of a verb: "my family and me"
- The airline moved my family and me to an earlier flight.
- Our neighbor drove my family and me to the station when the car broke down.
- The storm kept my family and me indoors for three days.
- Please keep my manager and me updated on the shipment.
- The guide took my family and me through the old gaol in Fremantle.
After a preposition: "my family and me"
- Thank you for the gift; it means a lot to my family and me.
- The holiday card was from my family and me, not just from my parents.
- There's a lot of history between my family and me and that house.
- Lunch was provided for my colleagues and me.
- Would you take a photo of my family and me in front of the fountain?
- The researchers interviewed people like my family and me who had relocated after the floods.
Casual speech (fine in conversation, not in formal writing)
- "Me and my family are heading to the coast this weekend."
- "Me and the kids are going to grab some fish and chips."
Formal and academic
- My co-author and I acknowledge the support of the University of Melbourne.
- The committee asked my co-researcher and me to present our findings.
Common mistakes
❌ Me and my family went to Brighton for the weekend. ✅ My family and I went to Brighton for the weekend.
❌ Thank you for hosting my family and I. ✅ Thank you for hosting my family and me.
❌ Merry Christmas from Rob, Jess and I! ✅ Merry Christmas from Rob, Jess and me!
❌ Please contact my assistant or myself with any questions. ✅ Please contact my assistant or me with any questions.
❌ Between you and I, the plan won't work. ✅ Between you and me, the plan won't work.
❌ Myself and my family are thrilled. ✅ My family and I are thrilled.
❌ It was a big day for my wife and I. ✅ It was a big day for my wife and me.
A note on "It is I"
After be, very formal grammar uses the subject case: "It is I." In everyday English, "It's me" is universal and fully acceptable, and "This is my family and me" is natural in a photo caption. Do not force "It is my family and I" unless you want a deliberately formal tone.
Cards, captions and sign-offs
Some of the trickiest cases are short pieces of writing with no obvious verb, where the removal test needs a little help.
Photo captions. A caption such as My family and me at Uluru has no main verb, so there is no subject. Read it as "a photo of my family and me," and the object form fits. My family and I at Uluru is also widely used and generally accepted in captions, so neither will be marked wrong on social media. If you want the most defensible choice, use me, or sidestep the issue with Our family at Uluru.
Card signatures. Love from Jess, Tom and me follows the preposition from, so me is correct. Many people sign off with just names (Love, Jess, Tom and Sam), which avoids the pronoun altogether and is perfectly normal.
Invitations. Wedding and party invitations are often written in the third person to sound formal: Sarah Lee and Daniel Brooks request the pleasure of your company. If you use the first person, the subject form applies: My fiancé and I invite you to celebrate with us.
Thank-you notes. Thank you from my family and me (object of from), but My family and I thank you (subject of thank). Both are warm; just match the pronoun to its job.
The same rule with "we" and "us"
The test also works for phrases like we parents and us parents. Drop the noun: We are tired (so We parents are tired), and The school ignored us (so The school ignored us parents).
A memory trick
"Drop the family, keep the pronoun." Imagine your family has stepped out of the photo. Whatever you would say alone, I or me, is what you keep when they step back in. Then put yourself at the end of the line, because good manners mean you let your family go first.
Practice quiz
Choose the correct option.
- My brother and ___ are flying to Melbourne on Friday. (I / me)
- The teacher congratulated my sister and ___. (I / me)
- Thanks for having ___ over for dinner. (my family and I / my family and me)
- ___ have booked a cottage in the Cotswolds. (Me and my family / My family and I)
- Please send the invoice to Anna or ___. (myself / me)
- This award belongs to my whole team and ___. (I / me)
Answers
- I – "I am flying" is the subject form.
- me – "congratulated me"; the pair is the object.
- my family and me – "having me" takes the object pronoun.
- My family and I – subject position in a written sentence.
- me – "send it to me"; myself needs an earlier I.
- me – after the preposition to.
The practical takeaway
You do not need to memorize case terminology. Whenever you write "and I" or "and me," cover up the other person or group and listen to the sentence: the pronoun that sounds right alone is the right one together. Put yourself last, skip "myself" as a shortcut, and you will be correct in cards, speeches, cover letters and emails alike. For more pronoun pitfalls that trip up confident writers, see who's vs whose and your vs you're.
Frequently asked questions
Is 'me and my family' grammatically correct?
It depends on where the phrase sits. As the object of a verb or preposition, 'me and my family' is grammatical, though 'my family and me' is the more polished order. As the subject of a sentence, as in 'Me and my family went to Perth,' it is common in casual speech but considered nonstandard in writing.
Is it 'from my family and I' or 'from my family and me'?
It is 'from my family and me.' Prepositions such as from, to, with, for and between take the object pronoun me. Remove 'my family and' and you would say 'from me,' never 'from I.' This is one of the most common hypercorrections in holiday cards and speeches.
Why do you put yourself last in a list?
Putting yourself last is a politeness convention, not a strict grammatical rule. English speakers are traditionally taught to mention others before themselves, so 'my family and I' sounds more courteous than 'I and my family.' The rule bends when you are listing yourself with something awkward, such as a list of blame, where 'I and my team made a mistake' can sound accountable.
Can I say 'my family and myself'?
It is best avoided. Myself is a reflexive pronoun and normally needs an earlier I in the same clause, as in 'I prepared it myself.' Using 'myself' to dodge the I-or-me choice is a common habit in business speech, but careful editors will usually change it to I or me.
Is 'my family and I' always correct?
No. 'My family and I' is only correct when the phrase is the subject of a verb or after forms of be in very formal style. After a verb or preposition it should be 'my family and me,' as in 'The hotel upgraded my family and me.' Many people overuse 'and I' because they were corrected as children, but that correction only applied to subjects.
What about 'my husband and I' or 'my wife and me'?
The same test applies to any pair. Use 'my husband and I' when the pair is doing the action, as in 'My husband and I are delighted to accept.' Use 'my husband and me' when the pair receives the action, as in 'Thank you for inviting my husband and me.'